messy and dark

He says i’m over reacting, but the reality is he made his choice. He caught countless tears on his chest of mine, about this situation, yet he still chose. I made him promise, he chose. I gave him another chance to change his mind, yet he still chose. He has other loyalties, and that is just fine but as for me, I need more. I need someone that will not fail me where I am most vulnerable, trust. He wasn’t the first, he won’t be the last and he wasn’t the worst, but he still chose. Love is a choice, so when you really love someone who do yo choose? It seems so obvious to me, but then again mot of the world doesn’t understand me, nor my logic, clearly neither does he. 

It feels like the deepest parts of my heart have been penetrated by darkness. I want to destroy everything that was built, and I don’t even care, which is what scares me. This is who I am. I’m messy, I’m dark, I hurt people, I’m poisonous, I’m destructive and the reality is, it’s a cycle, and I will do it again.