My life felt easier when I was dead to the world.
My life was easier when I chose to drink everyday.
My life was easier when I filled my lungs with poison every hour or so.
My life was easier when i numbed myself with promiscuity and fake feelings.
My life was easier when I burned my brain cells instead of remembering
My life was easier when I would use my fist instead of my words.
My life was easier without trials
My life was easier without empathy towards others.
My life was easier when I didn’t know how undeserving I was of God’s grace.
My life was easier before I found someone that loves me despite my mess.
My life was easier when I didn’t have to feel so much.
My life was easier without constant meltdowns.
My life was easier without specific goals
My life was easier when I was dead to the world, but that was not life.
I was suffocated by the lies of the world and of the flesh.
I was destroying everything in my path that I loved.
I was neglecting the life God handpicked for me.
I was denying my potential that God would have me use.
I was ignoring the feelings of the people who loved me
I didn’t care that one day I would have to explain all of this to my husband
I refused to see this beauty that God had waiting for me
My life was easier when I chose to be numb
But now, I choose to live.
I choose the emotions and tears.
I choose the humility and the brokenness.
I choose others over myself.
I choose God’s way over mine.
Because to numb yourself, is not living.
Because although life may be more difficult now, my joy will not be compromised.
I choose God.